My Health Crash Recovery Story
The worst and best thing that has ever happen to me. So far…
It all started years ago…
I’ve always been very tough on myself, and always had high expectations and strong desires to achieve the highest level of whatever it was I decided I wanted to accomplish. Naturally, I loved to work and perfect things, whatever it took I was willing to give it my best, my all. If I wanted something (and I wanted a lot of things) I was ready to go for it all the way without holding anything back. Doesn’t sound so bad, right? I mean these qualities helped me achieved great heights in sports, music, career and obtain a lot of material things I wanted. But, while I didn’t know it at the time, I was slowly digging myself into deep dark place. Then it finally happened, I hit rock bottom. I hit it so hard it shook me to my core and changed my entire reality.
The Health Crash
About 3 years ago, my life had gotten even more stressful and challenging than ever before. My acting and commercial career kept me very busy, and I was still maintaining my high workout and fitness lifestyle just as I always did. My grandfather who I’m very close to was slowly dying of old age at the time, and I had just gotten my second puppy (I still wonder why I decided to get him during that crazy time..) After a long and intense struggle, my beloved grandfather passed away, the experience was extremely intense for me and emotionally very taxing. I was also playing a lot of angry and highly emotional roles in acting and commercials, and at night I wasn’t getting any sleep due to my new puppy barking and wining. I was still keeping up my high workout and fitness load, and if all that wasn’t enough stress, I decided to go on a Keto diet (no carbs, moderate protein, high fat). I strictly committed to the diet and was also doing a 20/4 intermittent fasting window (you fast for 20 hours and only eat within a 4 hour window daily). I also had 2 other businesses I was running. Even though I felt something inside myself signaling me to stop, I just kept on pushing, forcing myself to go on because that was the tool box I was accustomed to using to deal with all of my challenges in life, so I just kept pushing… then finally, all that was TOO much to handle, even for someone like myself who has always had chronically high amount of stress. Then one afternoon, the health crash happened… It started with my first ever panic attack, and it was a massive one. I had every symptom of Anxiety Disorder, Adrenal Fatigue, Hormonal Imbalance, exercise burnout, HPA axis dysfunction. My muscles were constantly trembling, shaking, twitching. I felt weak, dizzy, pain and discomfort all over my body. My energy was extremely low, so low to the point of chronic exhaustion. I felt emotionally damaged, my limbs were constantly tingling and numb. I had eye symptoms, hallucinations, headaches, neck spasms, brain fog, decreased memory, inability to focus, tightness in my solar plexus, constant knot and churning in my stomach. Constant thumping heart palpitations and a racing heart rate. My mind raced nonstop and body was in a state of chronic fight-or-flight mode, but at the same time I was so tired, exhausted and depleted in every way. I don’t know how I did it, but the night of my first crash I drove myself to the ER. They ran the usual tests, took my vitals, and the doctor checked my heart (EKG). Everything checked out normal and told me it was stress and anxiety and then sent me home.
I laid in bed that night in panic and fear of not knowing what was wrong with me and what to do to fix it. There were so many other symptoms I experienced as well, but it’s hard to name or remember all of them. I could not sleep due to chronic insomnia, horrible nightmares and nocturnal panic attacks. Everything hit me all at once and the initial crash symptoms were nonstop and extreme, it went on for weeks.
The Five Phases of My Road to Recovery
PHASE ONE
For the first two weeks I could barely get out of bed, and I would crawl (literally) on the floor to the bathroom, and then crawl back into bed once every few hours. It was such an awful period. For the first time in my life I thought “holy fuck, something is really, really wrong…” All the symptoms continued pretty much without break for the first two weeks.
After that the symptoms started to lessen a little. I was finally able to have a little appetite and I wasn’t completely bed ridden (just partly). I made another appointment to see a MD. I didn’t understand why the ER doctor said nothing was wrong so I had to double check. Again, the MD checked me and I also made sure to express to him my concern for all the possible scary illnesses. Again I was reassured that nothing serious was wrong with me, must have been stress and anxiety induced. On the way home I thought to myself “how can I feel this horrible and they say it’s nothing serious…?”
After the third week into this, I was getting really worried, so much obsessive thoughts about what this could possibly be and will I ever recover. I lived alone with my two dogs and didn’t really want to bother friends to help me. I also didn’t have family that lived near me. That part of the situation made it even more difficult, because I had to take care of myself in such awful state. I was truly blessed to have reached out to a long time friend and mentor of mine over the phone (she lives in another state) and she just happens to have gone through a very similar health issue years ago. She was answering all my questions, finishing my sentences about all of my symptoms. Told me that it has to do with hormone imbalance and that I probably messed up my adrenal glands due to chronic overload of both mental and physical stress. It made a lot of sense and she recommended me to take a couple of herbs, eat frequently and get lot and lot of rest. Also to not get emotional about anything and just allow my body to heal gradually. I took her advice and I also started researching all the information I could about Adrenal Fatigue, Hormonal Imbalance, HPA axis dysfunction, Anxiety Disorder, Panic Attacks. Everything I read up on and researched pretty much came to a few similar guidelines as to how to heal - rest, eat, sleep, take some supplements and give it time.
For the next couple of months I continue to struggle with all the symptoms, feeling pretty much the same. I was resting, eating and taking the supplements, but very little changed.
PHASE TWO
It was about the forth month after the initial crash I started to feel a bit better. “The resting, sleeping, eating frequently and supplements were helping.” I thought. Another couple of weeks goes by and I actually started to feel somewhat normal and back to myself again. like a surge of life came back to me and I was beyond thrilled. I thought to myself "I’m back! Now let’s get back on all my work and routines!” Man was I wrong…
Since I was feeling way better, I decided to jump right back into my workout routine. For the last three months I was so inactive I couldn’t wait to do my workouts and play tennis again, and get myself back in shape. I also haven’t been sexually active so I decided it was also time to have some much needed fun as well. For the first few days I felt great. I was ready to forget the awful experience, move on and continue back where I left off before the crash.
By the end of the week I felt that awful feeing started to come back, along with all the horrible symptoms, and a whole bunch of new ones. I started to get panic attacks during and after sex and masturbation. I started to have major blood sugar regulation issues. I crashed again, and was bed bound.
Even though this time around the symptoms lessened more quickly than the initial crash, but now the symptoms are there all the time and never fully go away. I started to get more concerned and started having Health Anxiety because every strange body sensation could be another possible symptom. I was always googling symptoms. I looked into alternative doctors who might be able to help me, for the next few months I kept going in and out of mini crashes and struggled with old and new symptoms coming and going, and I saw just about every type of doctors out there and had every type of labs and check ups done, I experimented with every type of health diets and supplements. Although I wasn’t making any real progress towards recovery, I was learning a lot about conditions that were related to this type of health crash I was experiencing.
PHASE THREE
Few more months has gone by, by this time I was about 8 months into my recovery. There were many setbacks and extreme highs and lows. I knew if I kept going like this I was never going to FULLY recover from this health imbalance, I was jumping back into my daily life and workout routines too quickly and then a crash would follow shortly. This pattern was happening over and over again. This was a very frustrating and discouraging period.
I had been keeping track of my progress pretty closely for months now, and I understood better about all the symptoms and their triggers. I recognized what I can and cannot do. I become very in tuned with how much stress my body was able to handle, how much energy I truly had, and when I needed to stop and rest. I became aware of the importance of eating enough but not too much, as well as eating frequent moderate size meals that consists of high quality fresh veggies, fruits, lean protein and good fats. I cut out all refined sugar, carbs, alcohol (this was easy since I don’t drink) and caffeine. I understood the importance of going to bed on time and getting enough rest everyday. I knew I needed to exercise everyday but not too much, and I needed to do stretching and some kind of relaxation activity daily for my mental balance. and finally I had to accept where I was at, let go and surrender to what IS. It took some focus but I made my decision and I was going to follow through with it.
I stopped googling whenever I would feel a new body sensation or symptoms, I would self coach myself and know that it was just part of this health imbalance, and I have already checked everything with multiple doctors. I deliberately let go of the Health Anxiety and kept my focus on my recovery. It was very challenging, but I did it. I planned out my daily meals, schedule and workout routine. I consistently dedicated to all of it day in and day out. If I had small set backs I would ignore it and just keep moving forward. I cut out many toxic relationships and didn’t allow myself to get as emotionally worked up over triggering situations. About 2 more months went by and I started to feel better. Only this time it wasn’t an intoxicating high, it felt steady and gradual like the next logical step.
PHASE FOUR
By this time it was around 1 year since my health crash, and things are a lot better overall. The key turning point was when I decided to accept where I was, and regardless of the setbacks I stuck to focusing on my recovery and living a consistent healthy lifestyle. The healing was gradual but powerful, one tiny sliver at a time, parts of my health and vitality were slowing returning to me. I have stopped having crashes and panic attacks and I can pretty much function normally. I still can’t really push too hard with workouts, or be overly emotional or simulated, but I was doing okay. From what I suffered through in the last year, I was not complaining. I saw the long awaited light at the end of the dark tunnel…
From that point forward, my recovery journey was steady and consistent and I felt a little better in every way daily. I had gained weight and body fat for the first time in my life due to the decrease in workout intensity and playing sports, although that really bothered me, I would remind myself to stay on track with my recovery and let my body signal me when it is ready to do more.
About another 3 more months passed by, now it’s been 15 months since my health crash started.
PHASE FIVE
It has been another couple of months. I feel overall “normal” again, all major symptoms has gone away, and very seldom did I get some minor symptoms, and they were very slight and didn’t last long.
I strategically increased my workout intensity as well as allowing myself to do more and more normal life stuff again. Things like watching intense and loud movies, being sexually active regularly, and going to places where there were a lot of sensory stimulants such as bright lights and crowds (still had to be careful for a totally different reason due to the pandemic). But, all and all, I was doing well and I was truly happy for the first time in almost 2 years.
I started to look into ways that I can optimize my health and fitness again. I wanted to get myself back to the peak physical condition I had always been in, but doing it right this time with moderation and balance. But for now I was content, I got myself and my life back!
HERE and NOW
I have been fully recovered from the health crash for quite some time now, and feeling better and better everyday. I started a health & hormone optimization protocol along with a balanced nutrition plan and workout routine. The health crash and my recovery journey experience has given me so much intense contrast and at the same time so much new found happiness and love for myself, my life and my dreams. I’m here to share my story in hopes that it can bring information, motivation and inspiration for others who are going through similar experiences.
- Jaden Christopher